(published in Indian Literature Jan-Feb, 2007)
“Oh God, take me away. Take me away.”---kneeling before the thapana of her god Makon prayed at dawn.
She has been praying for this from the very day she had to erase the vermillion point on her forehead. Today also she did the same. However, she is a bit angry with her god today. If her almighty god can not rescue her from these troubles, who else will? People have always rejected her. No one is there to help her with the chores in this lonely house. There’s nobody in the neighborhood with some sympathy for her so that she too will live on. There is no land in her name except this where her house stands. For food she goes bagging door to door and earns a handful of rice. Most part of the day she spends in Bapukon Gosain’s house. She helps the wife with household chores and gets this or that in return. Sometimes they pay in cash too. And her life moves on. For the last two years she has been a widow.
Makon broke into a sob in the middle of her prayer. Tears rolled down her cheeks, made the thapana wet, but she didn’t stop crying. Again and again she prayed before her blind god, “Oh God, please take me away out of this world. Take me away.” But her prayer went in vain. Again and again her prayer got interrupted by the image of Bapukon Gosain.
Bapukon Gosain.
Handsome, well-built, fair complexioned Bapukon Gosain with sharp features. One can get relaxed just having a look at him. His words are like the sweet --------- of the honey bee. The whole world respects this Bapukon Gosain. He offers his prayers through nam-prasanga four times a day at his place. The large courtyard always remains packed with devotees coming from far away. All of them bring manani for him. Only in monsoon this shows a slackening. People have to remain busy in their fields these days.
There was not a single person there yesterday. The wife had been to her mother’s. It was not very far and she was supposed to come back that very day. In the afternoon Makon entered the dhekighar shouting for the wife, “Aai? ………..Aai …………?” But instead of the aai it was the prabhu who answered. Getting such a sweet voice from the prabhu, Makon’s heart melted.
“Who’s there? Makon? Come in, come on in.”
The wife arranged for the Gosain’s breakfast early in the morning leaving enough time for the man to enjoy unending leisure. Gosain, with his mind free of all worries, was relaxing on a mat placing his head on a pillow. Apprehensively Makon entered and saw the bare bodied, sweet faced Bapukaon Gosain resting on a mat and throwing smiles at her. Makon felt awkward at this smile.
What is happening? Good God! Makon could not raise her eyes fixed on the ground and remained there still like a mahogany tree. She hesitated to ask even a single question.
“Makon, you’re like one in the family. And still you’re not open to me. Why? Come and sit beside me. Let me talk about your husband. When we were young……, Bapukon Gosain stopped.
Makon was about to go. Bapukon Gosain too rose from the seat. “Just wait a while, Makon. Wait for a while.”
Makon could do nothing but to stop.
“Tell me why have you come? Your aai is not home.”
“Aai promised me a sack full of grain”
‘Of course, you’ll get the grains. Why should you worry when I am there? At his death-bed your husband asked me to look after you.”
Makon was not aware of any such things. The only thing she was aware of was that this Bapukon Gosain is trying to send some message across. Her heart sank. But she could not realize why she was staring at the handsome face of Bapukon Gosain , why those signs of lust on the sacred face of the Gosain appeared so attractive to her.
Makon was home after a short while. When she was leaving Bapukon Gosain said he would visit her the next day.
The whole night Makon could not sleep. While dozing she dreamt of her husband’s buring eyes chasing her like a flame. But she was not inviting those sins herself. It was only Bapukon Gosai who…….”
Will her god forgive her? No, he won’t. Will people forgive her if the come to know? No, they too will not. Will she herself forgive her? No, never. But this Bapukon Gosain has magical charms. When he looks at you, smiles at you get hypnotized.
That is why Makon prayed before her god in the morning.
“Take me away before this Bapukon Gsain steps in m house, oh God. Don’t hand me over to that magical Gosain, my Lord.”
But nothing happened in her life before Bapukon Gosain arrived at her place. Makon again stood still staring at the well-built handsome body of the Gosain. The man gave her a flirtious smile and said, “What happened my sweet heart? Stood still?”
“There was a tone of precious loveliness in the Gosain’s words. There was dearth of love in this poor Makon’s life. At these words from the Gosain she didn’t dare to say anything not to speak of protesting. Like a motionless statue she kept looking at Bapukon Gosain.
Bapukon Gosain got hold of a footstool and sat down. Unable to trail Makon’s thoughts, he started slowly, “I can see your house needs repairing.”
“Yes, but who’ll do it”
“You can get a hut built in my courtyard itself. You can eat at my place, stay at my place.”
“No, prabhu I am thinking I’ll stay at this place till my death. Don’t pester this woman anymore.”
“Alright, alright. It seems you are thinking along the right lines. But you are a woman. How’ll you live without anybody by your side?”
“I have my God by my side.”
“Yes, yes.” Gosain cast an insulting eye over the room where the idol of her god was kept. Gosain’s face became somber when he caught sight of the thapana .
“Whose idol is that one?”
“Jalanarayan .”
“Where did you fetch it out from?”
“From Dergaon.”
“How long is it you’ve not bathed the idol?”
‘It’s been two years.”
“Why are you keeping it with you?”
“I don’t like to stay in an empty house.”
“ Hu…”, Bapukon Gosain measured the pros and cons and said, “Tomorrow I’ll come and bathe the idol. You will rot in hell if you keep your god unclean like that.”
With this warning Bapukon Gosain left her house. Makon’s heart got filled with remorse. Yes, it is true that the god has not been bathed for two years. How’ll the god be satisfied with her? How’ll a dissatisfied god answer her prayers?
Makon bowed her head out of gratitude for Bapukon Gosain. Oh, the way he cares for her.
Just at dawn Makon heard Bapukon Gosain calling out her name. She was full of surprise. Why is the Gosain coming to bathe the idol when it’s still dark? Probably he thought it is the auspicious hour. How’ll the sins of two long years get erased otherwise?
She hastened to answer the door. She saw the body of Bapukon Gosain is glistening in the dim light of dawn like the smoke of an incense stick. This person has the blood of a god. She kept standing and staring at Bapukon Gosain. Bapukon said softly, “Sweet heart, you are my goddess!”
Makon was caught by surprise especially at his using the word ‘sweet heart’ and ‘goddess’. Unable to understand anything she kept looking at the Gosain.
“You are surprised, aren’t you? I had a dream and rushed out.”
“What kind of dream?”
“Your Jalanarayan is ordering me to get him out of here.”
“You are lying.”
“No, this is the truth.” Bapukon Gosain gave a faint smile.
“I won’t let you.”
“I know you can not live without your god. If the god leaves the goddess will also leave.”
“I won’t leave.”
“The god will be unhappy if you don’t go with him.”
Makon’s heart trembled, “No, he will not. He will not.” Thus yelling Makon ran toward the room where the idol of her god was kept.
Bapukon got a shock for sometime and then followed her. Hesaw idol dangling down her neck tied to a hand woven towel.
It was dawn. Waukon shut at her, “He you sinner, what are you up to? Why did you touch that idol without taking a bath?”
“You can not take away my god.”
Bapukon did not move. He noticed it was not the Makon he met the other day. This Makon is totally different from the other one. A strange one.
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